After years of digging through archives, researchers at the University of Obvious Studies have concluded that the shovel was, indeed, a groundbreaking invention. "We really had to dig deep for this one," said lead researcher Dr. Phil Dirt. The team plans to study the broom next, calling it a "clean sweep" of their research agenda.
Musicians worldwide are baffled by the percussive paradox.
Police say the suspect's trail has gone cold... and minty fresh.
"It's not just our internet that's lost," says backbencher.
Click a card to reveal the punchline
She'd been experimenting with new makeup techniques all week. I finally had to say something...
She looked surprised. Click for punchlineResearchers at London Zoo have been studying dental hygiene patterns in wildlife for decades...
A gummy bear. Click for punchlineMathematicians at Cambridge have long admired their consistency and dedication to direction...
It's a shame they'll never meet. Click for punchlineFor years, I avoided all forms of grooming experimentation. My barber was quite concerned...
But then it grew on me. Click for punchlineMarine biologists have been puzzled by strange seismic readings off the coast of Dover...
A nervous wreck. Click for punchlineAfter 14 hours of continuous work, I finally spoke directly to my machine...
Now it won't stop sending me Kit-Kat ads. Click for punchlineNo longer needed. Wife knows everything. Excellent condition, barely opened since 2004. Collection only — I'm not allowed to make decisions about delivery.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. Last seen on Tuesday near the chemist. If found, please return — I genuinely don't know if I'm upset or not.
Must be someone who can really see themselves doing this job. Flexible hours. We'd reflect very positively on your CV. Previous applicant wasn't up to the task — we saw right through him.
Never mind, you can't return it. Acquired on holiday in Australia. Seemed like a great idea at the time. Like most of my purchases. Absolute bargain for a collector of regret.
You will argue with a roundabout this week. The roundabout will win. It always does.
A bull will not charge at you this week. But your credit card company absolutely will.
Your evil twin will take over your Zoom call. Nobody will notice the difference.
The stars say you'll find love. The stars are being optimistic. The moon says maybe a nice sandwich instead.
You will confidently walk into a glass door. Own it. That's the Leo energy.
Mercury is in retrograde. Use this as an excuse for absolutely everything this week.
You'll spend 45 minutes choosing what to watch on Netflix, then fall asleep 10 minutes in.
Someone will mispronounce your name. You will remember this for 14 years minimum.
"I read The Daily Chuckle every morning. My doctor says laughter is the best medicine, which is concerning because he also prescribed me actual medicine."
"I showed the weather section to my nan and she checked if it was raining poodles. It wasn't. She was disappointed. One star deducted for inaccuracy."
"My horoscope said I'd walk into a glass door. I laughed. Then I walked into a glass door. Five stars for prophetic journalism."